Speaking of courage...

I no longer have to wonder, "Should I get my ears pierced again?' It's done. Now I can focus on the next thing I want to do.


I'd been thinking of doing it for weeks but kept going to the mall and avoiding it. This time I took my friend, Kathy, along. How could I back out if she went to the trouble to go with me? It helped.

Thanks, Kathy, if you read this...

Mowing

I woke up early (5:00) this morning and, to avoid thinking what I was thinking about, went out and worked in the back yard, pulling weeds. And when the neighbor started his mower at 8:00, I followed suit and got half of it mowed within an hour.

And by then I was ready to relax, feeling unafraid of my thoughts because they had moved on into this day. While cooling the "dew" off my body, I looked for this poem that I remembered reading back in the winter when I was wishing for the strength.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

© Mary Oliver. Online Source

I am at peace with me. With keeping company with myself. With mending.

Taking the long way home

You know how you drive around the block sometimes just to hear a song one more time? This is the one I can't stop listening to this week from the Alison Krauss - Robert Plant duet CD.



It makes me cry. The music, the words, the harmony, all are beautiful enough to bring tears to my eyes.

But there's something in there that speaks to this point in my life, a hidden message almost because I had to read the lyrics to get it, about the sadness of losing yourself in love.

And, somehow, it makes me recognize that even when it seems that you're the one who's ended a relationship, if you look closely you can see that you were asked to do so long ago by behaviors that you'd defined as unacceptable.

It has taken me a long time to get there, to find my way. Now that I have, it's a good thing but still there's a sadness that remains. And so I listen to the music and let it do its healing. I hope you like it, too.

Enjoying these days

Isn't that a beautiful photo? My thanks to Diana, at Welcome to My World, for taking the pic while in St. Louis a couple weeks ago.

The sky is just as blue today. I managed to mow half my lawn before heading inside to cooler air. I also enjoyed getting a facial this morning, a bit of pampering at the end of a hectic week.

Although hectic and emotional, it's been a good week. There's something powerful about listening to my own words and acting upon them that's energized me. I've gotten so much done this week. Time now for a nap before supper.

I'm just starting a book by an author I've not read before, The Eight, by Katherine Neville. Thanks to Onedia for the tip.

I am about...

Sherry's posting on what she is about has inspired me to do the same. The instructions are to list what you are about without stopping to think about it.

So, I am about...

• Saying goodbye, starting fresh
• Cleaning out clutter
• Finding old friends
• Letting go of dreams that can never be
• Walking, getting healthier
• Doing tasks before they're due
• Crossing things off my list
• Feeling what I feel, just feeling, not acting on it
• Cleaning the yard, trimming edges
• Accepting that I won't always be on this earth
• Getting manicured, pedicured
• Finding sandals
• Passing some skills along to others
• Diet coke, chocolate, ice cream
• Movies, books, and tv
• Finding peace in solitude
• Iris that smell like lilacs
• Black doggies with white paws
• Memories
• Smiling at strangers
• Wondering if I'll fall in love one more time
• Vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg
• Having friends over for supper
• Asking how are you and waiting for the answer
• Playing piano again (as soon as I get one)
• Saying prayers, just in case

So, what are you about? Let me know if you post a similar list so that I can check it out!

This and that

Yesterday was a really good day.

My friend Kathy and I went on a walking "Live in the city" tour of loft condos that have been developed in St. Louis. Neither one of us is in the market for a condo but we enjoy looking at houses and seeing how they're decorated.

We walked from 2:00-5:30 and I was exhausted at the end of it. But full of ideas for redecorating and stripping down my stuff. There's something really nice about no clutter, the kind of clean you have when people open their homes to the public.

If I hadn't forgotten to take my camera, I'd be showing you St. Louis from the 11th floor of an old warehouse. The penthouse condo, selling for around $400,000, had a terrace where you could see for miles beyond the Arch. I'll start saving my pennies and one day, maybe...

I've been thinking about whether to replace my carpet with new carpet or with hardwood. Condos in the old Merchandise Mart building all had wood floors with original wood from the early 1900s. Beautiful. Condos in the warehouses had a mix of concrete floors and new wood flooring. So I'm thinking wood-like flooring today. Tomorrow I may change my mind. But with two doggies in the house, wood would be easier to keep super clean.

Another fun thing was breaking in my new (to me) replacement car that I picked up on Friday. I found a 2006 Toyota Highlander with 37,000 miles on it and got a great deal. It's silver outside, gray inside. Someone traded it in when their lease was up. Perfect. A silver lining.

Fortunately, even though money has been tight in recent years, I didn't cut any corners on auto insurance! In that same vein, I took the opportunity to buy an extended warranty so now I'm worry free for another 50,000 miles.

Reminds me of an email I got this week from someone at work with a signature motto of "Free your mind of worry." My first thought was, "yeah, right," but am thinking it's possible to do that if you prepare. Take steps.

__________
P.S.
I just saw this great quote by Elaine St. John over at Sherry's Everyday Possibilities:

Maintaining a complicated life is a great way to avoid changing it.

Isn't that perfect?

Remembering

With the anniversary of D-Day, I'm reminded of my dad who served in World War II. Although he served in the Pacific, he always reminded us that Hitler was the reason he went to war.

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Watching Obama talk here about the importance of remembering, of not denying historical truths, reminds me of the Holocaust survivor who spoke at an event with Spielberg. She wished for everyone the blessing of "a boring evening at home." I'm guessing that I can't comprehend how fortunate I am.